Surrender = Grace in Letting Go

If you were to say the word "Surrender" to most people on the street, their instinctive response may be to throw their hands up in the air. The conditioned link to the word in today's lexicon is simply to "give up". But let's consider this a bit further. There are many ways we can experience this surrender, and few have to do with the actual situation itself.

If we take the popular view of Surrender as a giving up, it feels defeatist. It feels as though we are the victims of someone or something's plot to undermine our dreams or goals. We feel disempowered, down, beaten, and sometimes broken. We feel as if we have no other choice but to give up. It is a depressing place to be. I know I have been there too!!

In the book, I discussed a moment where I just felt I had nothing left to lose. I remember being in my backyard on my knees sobbing... "I GIVE UP!!"; knowing in that moment that truly there was just nowhere left to go. I had done all I could. My approach to trouble in the old days was well.. stubborn. Whenever I found myself in a hole, I would dig a little deeper... just to make sure it was a hole and not a tunnel. Hey! You never know right? But I was well and truly at the bottom of a pit.

But what is it we are really being asked to "give up" in the spiritual concept of Surrender. Simple... control. ok ok... so I say "simple" but it is anything BUT!!

Our ego prides itself in knowing what will keep it happy and alive. Mainly alive. As creatures of habitual behavior honed over the years of our lives... through belief, action, response.... we have narrowed down things that may hurt us, will hurt us, and other stuff that just looks like it may or may not be safe.. SO we have formed an action plan. If we can control our EXTERNAL situation... we will be safe. We may even be happy! There is only one tiny problem with that plan... it will NEVER work... but... but... but... you say! Let's think about it... where do our external circumstances begin and end? We say... well... the right job, the right house, the right spouse, the right school, the right degree, the right kids, the right opportunities, the right finances, the right friends, the right parents.... when we believe that it is our external circumstances that will make us feel secure and happy, we place a hell of a lot of demands on everyone around us to be a certain way, and do certain things.

If for example, we don't get into the "right" school to get the best education to secure the perfect job, to buy the best house, in the best neighborhood, with the best car in the driveway... we HAVE to look around for someone/something to blame. We point to our parents, the high school, the test, the temperature in the room where you took your placement exams, the lack of sufficient time for preparation... anything will do!! Either that, or we resign ourselves to the situation and speak doom and gloom... life sucks, I am such a failure, my life is RUINED! Etc... either way... we begin to build our future on those beliefs of resignation... we may dress that up and call it surrender, but it isnt... there is no empowerment there... no goal... no positive self belief... no letting go... in fact quite the opposite... There is a blatant determination to drag our past into the future every step of the way. Our ego is determined that our past is the best determinant to our future, and as we have been disappointed at least once... we should expect and be prepared for ENDLESS disappointment.

What if!? What if we worked from the premise that all things are working towards our blessing and favor. What if we believed that when things are falling apart they are actually creating a space for things to fall together... all we are being asked to do is let go of trying to exert our ideas of how things SHOULD be and embrace the opportunity for something BETTER to come along. The BEST is yet to come... just on the other side of our ideas...

Dont get me wrong, it is so important to hold goals, and take steps towards them, but when we are attached to exactly how each step should unfold and exactly what road we should take to get there and exactly how we should feel when we get there and an utter refusal to be happy until we are there.... we are cutting off our blessings before we even get started!

You see, in an active state of surrender, we allow. We take steps that we can take, when we can take them. We are not attached to each step as being the only step forwards towards our goals. We hold a space open for the unexpected and the miraculous... we let go of doing it OUR way, and allow the universe to move in its way through us...

Let me give an example... these last few weeks have been one moment after another of letting go and surrender. As we are house sitting now, we depend on our house sits to move us along from place to stay to place to stay. A few weeks ago, we were waiting for someone we will call Sally to get back in touch with us in regards to December. We really wanted to make sure we were taken care of for the month, and her sit looked perfect, but despite our numerous attempts to contact her, we heard nothing. Out of nowhere, a lady we will call Angel contacted us and asked if we would be interested in a long term sit. WOULD WE??? OF COURSE!!!! Except... we were waiting for Sally to contact us, AND the sit started when we were scheduled to be at another assignment for Jane. So I declined her generous offer and it left us still with nothing for December in hand. As we were out driving one day, suddenly I turned to Andrew and said, "What if we could split our sit between Jane and Angel, they are only an hour's drive a part and it would only be a few days. So we contacted her still having heard nothing from Sally. Angel was THRILLED with our idea and we arranged a call. Meanwhile, Sally contacted us saying she had decided to go with us.... DOH! Now we had to just step back and feel... what did the universe want us saying "yes" to. Sally would be a SURE thing for a month, but there was this opportunity with Angel that was more than we could have dreamed of even if it would be tricky at the start. SO I wrote a very difficult email to Sally declining and explaining our situation. Even though she was REALLY upset, I knew we had made the right decision for us. So ahead we forged... a few days before we were to begin our sit with Jane, she called with devastating news. Her husband had taken ill and their trip was off. We were staying at the flat in Scotland and my FIL was scheduled to be up on the following weekend. BUT... we were not being shown any next steps, we didnt feel to apply for another sit, nor did we feel to apply for a holiday let to see us through until our long term sit at Angel's started... we were completely surrendered to the situation. We had a knowing that things would work out... but couldnt begin to imagine how.

And as the universe would have it, a few days before my FIL was scheduled to come up... he text to say he wouldnt be coming after all and we were free to stay until our next sit began. HA! And so here we are... perfectly poised to move in whatever direction the universe asks of us at a moments notice... and in that lies peace...

Yes it is a peace that comes with a lot of uncertainty, but there is a recognition that ALL of life is uncertain. The only certainty in life is that there is no certainty. So why fight the flow with fear? It is kind of like trying to plug a hole in a dam with salt or sugar... pointless at best. All of our efforting in a direction that isnt intended to bless us only serves to exhaust us. Sometimes it is best to just surrender but in the sense of trusting all is well... and you know what... if all is well in this moment then all is really well. And so it goes...

No matter how challenging things have gotten, we are still here... and better than that... we are thriving. Life is taking us in a direction we never dreamed of... but it is so much bigger and bolder and brighter than we ever could have imagined...

Where will you allow the flow of love... the flow of life... to carry you? Do you dare pull your anchor up and see where the adventure leads you? How much better will you allow life to get?