Twinflame or Cosmic Playmate?

In my last post I talked about the concept of “family” and how as we are evolving and changing as a collective, the basic dynamics of our closer relationships seem to be evolving as well. Today, I would like to explore the ideas and implications of our more intimate relationships.

In recent years there has emerged a popular teaching in spiritual circles and is closely associated with the ideas around ascension; this concept of a twinflame. As it has been interpreted by most, the concept goes something like… a soul at its inception split into two halves and these halves wander the universe seeking each other out through the eternities and are not complete without the other. Or something vaguely along those lines.

Now, being the eternal romantic myself, when I started my spiritual journey and learned of this concept, I was smitten. The idea of the ideal ONE, that would complete me and make my life worth living. One who was my perfect complement, whom couldn’t live without me nor I him. I loved it. I had come out of a pretty disastrous marriage and the idea, the hope, the promise even, that there was a perfect someone out there JUST for me… yeah baby… sounds great. Until… the reality of those implications comes to the surface.

I have seen it time and time again in my readings, especially among the younger generation and more particularly in cultures that have traditionally had arranged marriages or highly influenced marriages that are now moving into love marriages… the concept of a twinflame becomes a desperate search and near panic to find “the one”. The idea has become twisted in our 3d ideas of love, partnership, joy and self-identity. We have applied what we have understood to be love from our conditioning to the idea of the twinflame, and it aint pretty folks.

Our understanding of love and relationship in 3d as we have been conditioned to understand it is a possessive, co-dependent, jealous, petty, needy, whiny, demanding, rather perverse conditional dynamic… at best! At its worst, it is manipulative, controlling, and abusive. As a society we have decided that people can be property of one another, that there are contracts that bind us, and further contracts that unbind us. And with these said contracts there are implied rules and norms. These have developed out of the patriarchal order and do not reflect a true honouring of a soul. Nor is it reflective of our own historical experience overall as different cultures have had different traditions in regards to partnering.

Now when you take these 3d conditionings of relationships and apply it to what is taught as an eternal relationship of a twinflame, you have a recipe for disaster. There are many people who have gotten a hold of this concept and the added idea that in order to evolve or ascend to the next level of spiritual development, or participate in a wider ascension *a concept we may revisit in a later post*… you HAVE to have your twinflame… well you can imagine… it is nothing short of absolute desperation. Is HE my twinflame? What about him… or her… or him? And the object of their desperation is often unawares of the concept itself and so is blindsided by this clinginess, or insistence that they must act and be a certain way… because of course there is a whole list (or 20) on what a twinflame relationship looks like, and how people act in it.

The other person in these situations is often confused and just wants to be with the person who is claiming a twinflame relationship. Generally, they just want to be and enjoy what happens and how it unfolds, but the first person insisting that their eternal happiness depends on everything being perfect, applies all the rules and judgments and conditions of their imagined ideal… ie their twinflame should be able to read their mind and anticipate their needs and should always be happy with them and should never ever leave them and it isn’t possible for feelings to change and there is this pressure and we must do this together and things must look like this and we must have amazing intimacy… and and and…..

And the person runs away….

And the twinflame seeker is crushed, devastated and spends the next 10 years trying to get their “twinflame” to return. So the manipulating, threatening, pleading, lying, controlling, whining, and desperation begins in earnest. They latch onto a popular idea in the twinflame community… “the runner” and they say… the guy/girl that left me 10 years ago is the only one in the entire universe for me… I cannot be happy until they are rightfully returned to me. I HAVE to be with THAT person in order to have eternal joy… otherwise I am doomed to eternal damnation…. And we wonder why people are not impressed with New Age teachings… well folks there you go.

I know that I am not the only person that looks at this and thinks… holy moley that is IN-freaking-sane. And it is. It ignores every spiritual concept ever created. Even among the more traditional religious cultures there are ideas of freedom, ease, joy that are attached to the eternities. Being eternally bound to someone in order to survive… well to me that just doesn’t jive.

It sets up a belief that you as an individual are not worthy, not enough, not whole, have only a limited amount of stuff that you can offer the world. It creates, depression, desperation, competition and division. Where is the room for love in all of that? Well firstly, does that even remotely resemble love? Maybe purely conditional love… but even that is a stretch. More importantly, when a person is clinging onto “the one” of their imagined ideal, they are cutting themselves off from all the other amazing loving souls that could be coming into their life to celebrate and grow. They could be missing out on their life/soul purpose because their focus is on a twisted concept… which I suppose is still part of their life lesson, but my guess is the lesson is in letting go, not holding on.

Now, I am not saying that twinflames do not exist. I am simply suggesting that if they DO exist, it is not in the context that it has been popularized. Unconditional love does not demand, it does not cling, it does not manipulate, and it does not coerce or force another. It invites, and allows, it celebrates and it encourages growth. Growth comes from exploration, not confinement. Unconditional love loves so much that it wishes for the other( if there is one) to live and explore their highest joy so that when they do come back together they are both more… they are not two halves of a whole, maybe complimentary sides of a coin but even that insinuates being bound, or being forced for all eternity. But maybe rather an expansion of their experiences as opposed to there having been a split or contraction.

Here is what I think… there IS a twinflame for each of us. This is our shadow. It is the part of ourselves that we attempt to hide, reject, or deny. It is the side of us that is equally as a part of us as our light. We push it away and we say “I am not this…or I am not that”, this twin does not reside outside of us. It IS us. As long as we are seeking another to complete us, we miss the whole point of the exercise. We reject the Christ teaching, “The kingdom of Heaven is within you.” We make another individual wholly responsible for our ETERNAL happiness, which is utterly absurd if not impossible.

There IS a twinflame reunion that is not only happening, but essential to our evolution and eternal joy, but this isn’t outside of us. This can only happen in our hearts. As we embrace our shadow, we embrace all aspects of our soul. We embrace our wholeness, our completeness, and our enough-ness. We celebrate the journey that we have made, we rejoice in our coming home to ourselves. We realize there is no greater joy than the reunion of self. We are greater than the sum total of our parts. We are not missing anything, or anyone. We are not needy and dependent on another for our joy, everyone is off the hook. We are free to show up as we are…

We are free to invite into our experience a cosmic playmate, a complement to our wholeness, a whole and precious soul unto themselves. We can hold a space for eternal growth and experience. We can share an unspeakable joy and connection and know that this is because this soul has CHOSEN to be with us, not because they were obligated to.

And maybe this is where people get confused. I believe there is a complimentary soul for every soul created. But it is much like ice cream there are many flavors that compliment chocolate ice cream, garlic NOT being one of them. So in my heart, I feel these soul playmates may choose to spend a couple of thousand years as chocolate and vanilla, then when all of the soul lessons they learned together have been learned, they change dance partners and maybe become chocolate and strawberry. There is no loss, there is no possession, and there is no jealousy. Jealousy and possessiveness only exist in a patriarchal interpretation of third density relationships where there is fear of being alone.

And when we are fully integrated within our own hearts and connected to the divine within us and the divine all that is… being alone is not possible. We no longer have anything to fear and only love to give… and receive.