Twinflame or Cosmic Playmate?

In my last post I talked about the concept of “family” and how as we are evolving and changing as a collective, the basic dynamics of our closer relationships seem to be evolving as well. Today, I would like to explore the ideas and implications of our more intimate relationships.

In recent years there has emerged a popular teaching in spiritual circles and is closely associated with the ideas around ascension; this concept of a twinflame. As it has been interpreted by most, the concept goes something like… a soul at its inception split into two halves and these halves wander the universe seeking each other out through the eternities and are not complete without the other. Or something vaguely along those lines.

Now, being the eternal romantic myself, when I started my spiritual journey and learned of this concept, I was smitten. The idea of the ideal ONE, that would complete me and make my life worth living. One who was my perfect complement, whom couldn’t live without me nor I him. I loved it. I had come out of a pretty disastrous marriage and the idea, the hope, the promise even, that there was a perfect someone out there JUST for me… yeah baby… sounds great. Until… the reality of those implications comes to the surface.

I have seen it time and time again in my readings, especially among the younger generation and more particularly in cultures that have traditionally had arranged marriages or highly influenced marriages that are now moving into love marriages… the concept of a twinflame becomes a desperate search and near panic to find “the one”. The idea has become twisted in our 3d ideas of love, partnership, joy and self-identity. We have applied what we have understood to be love from our conditioning to the idea of the twinflame, and it aint pretty folks.

Our understanding of love and relationship in 3d as we have been conditioned to understand it is a possessive, co-dependent, jealous, petty, needy, whiny, demanding, rather perverse conditional dynamic… at best! At its worst, it is manipulative, controlling, and abusive. As a society we have decided that people can be property of one another, that there are contracts that bind us, and further contracts that unbind us. And with these said contracts there are implied rules and norms. These have developed out of the patriarchal order and do not reflect a true honouring of a soul. Nor is it reflective of our own historical experience overall as different cultures have had different traditions in regards to partnering.

Now when you take these 3d conditionings of relationships and apply it to what is taught as an eternal relationship of a twinflame, you have a recipe for disaster. There are many people who have gotten a hold of this concept and the added idea that in order to evolve or ascend to the next level of spiritual development, or participate in a wider ascension *a concept we may revisit in a later post*… you HAVE to have your twinflame… well you can imagine… it is nothing short of absolute desperation. Is HE my twinflame? What about him… or her… or him? And the object of their desperation is often unawares of the concept itself and so is blindsided by this clinginess, or insistence that they must act and be a certain way… because of course there is a whole list (or 20) on what a twinflame relationship looks like, and how people act in it.

The other person in these situations is often confused and just wants to be with the person who is claiming a twinflame relationship. Generally, they just want to be and enjoy what happens and how it unfolds, but the first person insisting that their eternal happiness depends on everything being perfect, applies all the rules and judgments and conditions of their imagined ideal… ie their twinflame should be able to read their mind and anticipate their needs and should always be happy with them and should never ever leave them and it isn’t possible for feelings to change and there is this pressure and we must do this together and things must look like this and we must have amazing intimacy… and and and…..

And the person runs away….

And the twinflame seeker is crushed, devastated and spends the next 10 years trying to get their “twinflame” to return. So the manipulating, threatening, pleading, lying, controlling, whining, and desperation begins in earnest. They latch onto a popular idea in the twinflame community… “the runner” and they say… the guy/girl that left me 10 years ago is the only one in the entire universe for me… I cannot be happy until they are rightfully returned to me. I HAVE to be with THAT person in order to have eternal joy… otherwise I am doomed to eternal damnation…. And we wonder why people are not impressed with New Age teachings… well folks there you go.

I know that I am not the only person that looks at this and thinks… holy moley that is IN-freaking-sane. And it is. It ignores every spiritual concept ever created. Even among the more traditional religious cultures there are ideas of freedom, ease, joy that are attached to the eternities. Being eternally bound to someone in order to survive… well to me that just doesn’t jive.

It sets up a belief that you as an individual are not worthy, not enough, not whole, have only a limited amount of stuff that you can offer the world. It creates, depression, desperation, competition and division. Where is the room for love in all of that? Well firstly, does that even remotely resemble love? Maybe purely conditional love… but even that is a stretch. More importantly, when a person is clinging onto “the one” of their imagined ideal, they are cutting themselves off from all the other amazing loving souls that could be coming into their life to celebrate and grow. They could be missing out on their life/soul purpose because their focus is on a twisted concept… which I suppose is still part of their life lesson, but my guess is the lesson is in letting go, not holding on.

Now, I am not saying that twinflames do not exist. I am simply suggesting that if they DO exist, it is not in the context that it has been popularized. Unconditional love does not demand, it does not cling, it does not manipulate, and it does not coerce or force another. It invites, and allows, it celebrates and it encourages growth. Growth comes from exploration, not confinement. Unconditional love loves so much that it wishes for the other( if there is one) to live and explore their highest joy so that when they do come back together they are both more… they are not two halves of a whole, maybe complimentary sides of a coin but even that insinuates being bound, or being forced for all eternity. But maybe rather an expansion of their experiences as opposed to there having been a split or contraction.

Here is what I think… there IS a twinflame for each of us. This is our shadow. It is the part of ourselves that we attempt to hide, reject, or deny. It is the side of us that is equally as a part of us as our light. We push it away and we say “I am not this…or I am not that”, this twin does not reside outside of us. It IS us. As long as we are seeking another to complete us, we miss the whole point of the exercise. We reject the Christ teaching, “The kingdom of Heaven is within you.” We make another individual wholly responsible for our ETERNAL happiness, which is utterly absurd if not impossible.

There IS a twinflame reunion that is not only happening, but essential to our evolution and eternal joy, but this isn’t outside of us. This can only happen in our hearts. As we embrace our shadow, we embrace all aspects of our soul. We embrace our wholeness, our completeness, and our enough-ness. We celebrate the journey that we have made, we rejoice in our coming home to ourselves. We realize there is no greater joy than the reunion of self. We are greater than the sum total of our parts. We are not missing anything, or anyone. We are not needy and dependent on another for our joy, everyone is off the hook. We are free to show up as we are…

We are free to invite into our experience a cosmic playmate, a complement to our wholeness, a whole and precious soul unto themselves. We can hold a space for eternal growth and experience. We can share an unspeakable joy and connection and know that this is because this soul has CHOSEN to be with us, not because they were obligated to.

And maybe this is where people get confused. I believe there is a complimentary soul for every soul created. But it is much like ice cream there are many flavors that compliment chocolate ice cream, garlic NOT being one of them. So in my heart, I feel these soul playmates may choose to spend a couple of thousand years as chocolate and vanilla, then when all of the soul lessons they learned together have been learned, they change dance partners and maybe become chocolate and strawberry. There is no loss, there is no possession, and there is no jealousy. Jealousy and possessiveness only exist in a patriarchal interpretation of third density relationships where there is fear of being alone.

And when we are fully integrated within our own hearts and connected to the divine within us and the divine all that is… being alone is not possible. We no longer have anything to fear and only love to give… and receive.

What is "family"?

To many the question sounds rather absurd... of course everyone knows what family is... and what it isnt... but what if... what if our changing and evolving times are redefining family. What if what we thought we knew about ourselves is being dismantled and cleared to a basic foundational level? What if we dont know what we dont know about what actually defines us?

On our journey as we discussed in the book, Fumbling Through the Light so many dynamics around family came to the surface to be examined and questioned. Ideas of what it means to be a "good" adult child, loyalty, tradition, expectations and roles. There were so many paradigms that had to shift it felt in order to survive. In order to create something new we had to let go of the old, even if the old was all we had known... even if the old wasnt even that bad.

In recent weeks, I have found myself in conversations with many friends about the intense energies we feel shifting us collectively into something new. Many have talked about family or personal crisis which are leading them to re-examine where they are placing their focus and whom it is they are trying to make happy. This inevitably leads back to our family of origin.

Let's dig a little deeper...

You see, I dont think you will find anyone that will argue the point that things are shifting and changing almost at a rate that boggles the mind. We are losing track of time as we have understood it, a week might feel like a day and a day may feel like a year. Things dont make the same kind of sense as they used to. So if you are feeling that way, know you are not alone.

There are much bigger things playing out in the cosmos that those that understand astrology can sort of wrap their heads around... but only a bit Those that are familiar with the idea of "ascension" can understand things on the esoteric levels, but in practical terms everything seems to be falling apart... not coming together.

As humans, we have a belief that when things are moving in the right direction everything is fine. Meaning, if it is good where we are going, then we dont have to give anything up. But, we can look back on our own lives and see this isnt the case. It is quite logical in fact to see... in order to go to college, you have to leave high school, and this often means leaving friends and family. In order to move into a new house, you have to leave the old one and all of the emotional attachments that you made there. In order to pursue a new career, you have to leave your old job. In order to become a mother, you have to let go of what your life looked like before kids. All of the things we had "before" were in many cases pretty good. We may have felt like we were doing ok. But we let go because we KNEW we were getting something better. We may have felt a bit trepidatious but we had a dream that was clear and our motivation was positively charged.

Now, there are only two forces in this world that move us... only two... fear and love. Fear moves forward because it is scared of staying the same ~ which arguably can set us on the path to moving forward in love. But still not the best motivator. Then there is love... love is expansive and all encompassing and free. It says... something wonderful is coming if I just keep going. Fear holds on... love lets go.

Now we assume (getting back to families) that today's traditionally accepted construct of a nuclear family is the way it has always been. We see it being redefined and challenged and we freak out... ok... so not all of us... but there is a collective freak out that you see playing out in the media... "War on families" or whatever... and it is totally based in fear! And lies. There is no war... in fact there is a movement towards peace and love and allowing.

Historically, there is overwhelming evidence that family has been for thousands of years a very fluid concept. Every culture has a way that has worked for them, based on their particular needs, roles and definitions. There isnt enough time, and I dont want to bore you with the details, but it is a very fascinating research topic if you are interested. But I am going to focus on one.

In ancient matriarchal societies where priestess traditions were followed. ALL children were wanted. ALL children were loved equally by all adults. The basic tenets of the society were "WE" based as opposed to "ME" based. The concept was much more than it takes a village to raise a child, it was more all children are our children. Every child knew he or she was loved by everyone, cared for, fed and clothed by the collective strength that came from the combined love (as opposed to divided love). Wealth was shared proportionally according to needs and everyone contributed to the welfare of the society because it was never about getting ahead of one another it was about getting ahead together. No one was left behind because they lifted each other, recognizing that strength comes from connection not competition. Families were fluid. There were marriages and partnerships children born and raised within a setting that we would recognize, but there was gentle movement between society. There was a recognition that growth and needs occur and change and the society supported this as a natural sign of how love works. It doesnt confine a person, but sets them free.

Now, we may wonder why we dont hear about these societies... it is quite simple... where is the woman's voice throughout history?

With the advent of the patriarchal paradigm in some emerging cultures about 6000 years ago, a new idea evolved. This idea was that the me is more important that the we. That possessions were representative of power and power equalled right to rule. It entitled one to tell others what was theirs and what wasnt. This paradigm created institutions, governments, systems... with one goal. Separation. You see when one is separate from the collective, by power, popularity or wealth then one is special. One can have control. But in order to maintain that control and specialness (which is likened unto being like god) one has to exert control over others. The quickest way to do so is through fear. The greatest fear tool one can use is the threat of being alone.

Now, where would the threat of being alone be the most intimidating? The place where we are conditioned to believe we should receive the most love. The family.

The family is the keystone to patriarchal rule and governance. The family is the key to controlling society with fear. When one is not afraid of being alone because they recognize their infinite connection and support from the whole there is no loss of love.

Shaming, threats, withdrawal of attention, abandonment, etc... the list is endless of the tactics used to keep family members in line with the rules of the patriarchy. This was important traditionally speaking because wealth and power were passed down through the family, you couldnt have people just running around loving everyone... they might give your kingdom away. This is also where marriage contracts developed and women and subsequent daughters became property of the patriarchal head of the household. Men needed to know that any offspring from the woman was actually theirs. It was all about me, my and mine.

In the use of the term patriarchal, let us not confuse ourselves, this is not a gender issue. There are many women in our shared experience that use these conditioned practices to carry on the societal order... out of fear. They may have been taught that this is the only way to get "love" by controlling and intimidating those around her. It isnt anyone's fault... but when we know better we have a responsibility to do better. If not for ourselves, then those we truly seek to love without condition. Patriarchal love can never ever be unconditional love, because by its very definition... it comes with all sorts of conditions. Love is defined by if/then. If you are this, then you get that.

Secrets, lies, manipulation, violence, and war naturally arose as a result of trying to control people by cutting them off from their hearts desire to be free. Loyalty above truth. Family before stranger. Blood is thicker than water... but at what price? Roles and rules had to be followed precisely to maintain order. It has only been a few decades where the regular practice of families "arranging" marriages, or at a minimum HIGHLY influencing them seemed to wane. In a patriarchal construct, few women have a real say about the direction of their familial life. Many women married for political or financial reasons... ie fear instead of love. How many loveless marriages exist today because it was simply easier to stay than risk being alone or in financial difficulties?

Now let me be clear... I am not judging what was or is. ALL of it has served to help us evolve as a collective. We are waking up and looking at our daughters and seeing their amazing light and wanting them to shine unapologetically as they are. We are seeing our sons and willing them to be free from societal demands and false constructs. We want them to have passions that they are free to pursue. We wish to encourage all children to BE who they are, even if it is different from what society expects... at least we feel something within us stirring pushing us towards those desires for those that are coming after us.

This means re=examining the principle definitions of what family is, and what it is becoming. We have to make some choices about what is important to us. Tradition or exploration? Secrets or transparency? Being who someone else wants you to be or being yourself? Chaining ourselves to the expectations of others or setting ourselves free? Power or vulnerability? Being closed or open? Forcing or allowing? Being an agent of fear...or an agent of love?

I suggest that we are all on some level, being pushed to look at who and what we are willing to do and be in order to continue to live a life that is incongruent with where we say we want to go. Are we willing to put our family before our soul? Are we willing to lie about who we are to make someone else happy? NOTE: Chances are... if you have tried to do this you will notice... they still arent happy... and you have to keep trying to bend yourself into a pretzel to meet their expectations... which happen to be their own judgments about themselves...

What are you willing to do to be free? Assuming, you are wishing to live as a sovereign member of a collective. What if family was less to do with dna and more to do with soul connection? What if it was your heart that decided your tribe, not the blood running through it? What if in order to be welcomed into the family of your soul, you had to release the family of condition?

What would you be willing to let go of in order to never feel alone or be threatened with abandonment?

Things are shifting and evolving. I believe the patriarchy is done. I do not think we are going BACK to matriarchal rule, but I do believe there is a balance wherein the divine feminine and divine masculine in ALL beings are honored. The key to this transition is quite simple... at least on the surface... the experience may come with growth pains. But, I believe the key to this transition into something better is transparency.

I feel that as we stand in our truth, those that feel and think like us will gravitate, if not run towards us, seeking to share the same thing. This is our new tribe... our new family. We no longer need to live in fear of loss. We are free to love without condition those that wish to be with us. We can collectively support one another in the stewardship of our own children, recognizing that we dont wish to exert control, but rather foster an environment where they are free to be transparent themselves.

So to the question, "What is family?" I believe we are in the exciting process of discovery... our soul's know... and we are playing it out down here... it may be messy, but we can dance through this with our heads held high.

Blessings,
Jenn

Surrender = Grace in Letting Go

If you were to say the word "Surrender" to most people on the street, their instinctive response may be to throw their hands up in the air. The conditioned link to the word in today's lexicon is simply to "give up". But let's consider this a bit further. There are many ways we can experience this surrender, and few have to do with the actual situation itself.

If we take the popular view of Surrender as a giving up, it feels defeatist. It feels as though we are the victims of someone or something's plot to undermine our dreams or goals. We feel disempowered, down, beaten, and sometimes broken. We feel as if we have no other choice but to give up. It is a depressing place to be. I know I have been there too!!

In the book, I discussed a moment where I just felt I had nothing left to lose. I remember being in my backyard on my knees sobbing... "I GIVE UP!!"; knowing in that moment that truly there was just nowhere left to go. I had done all I could. My approach to trouble in the old days was well.. stubborn. Whenever I found myself in a hole, I would dig a little deeper... just to make sure it was a hole and not a tunnel. Hey! You never know right? But I was well and truly at the bottom of a pit.

But what is it we are really being asked to "give up" in the spiritual concept of Surrender. Simple... control. ok ok... so I say "simple" but it is anything BUT!!

Our ego prides itself in knowing what will keep it happy and alive. Mainly alive. As creatures of habitual behavior honed over the years of our lives... through belief, action, response.... we have narrowed down things that may hurt us, will hurt us, and other stuff that just looks like it may or may not be safe.. SO we have formed an action plan. If we can control our EXTERNAL situation... we will be safe. We may even be happy! There is only one tiny problem with that plan... it will NEVER work... but... but... but... you say! Let's think about it... where do our external circumstances begin and end? We say... well... the right job, the right house, the right spouse, the right school, the right degree, the right kids, the right opportunities, the right finances, the right friends, the right parents.... when we believe that it is our external circumstances that will make us feel secure and happy, we place a hell of a lot of demands on everyone around us to be a certain way, and do certain things.

If for example, we don't get into the "right" school to get the best education to secure the perfect job, to buy the best house, in the best neighborhood, with the best car in the driveway... we HAVE to look around for someone/something to blame. We point to our parents, the high school, the test, the temperature in the room where you took your placement exams, the lack of sufficient time for preparation... anything will do!! Either that, or we resign ourselves to the situation and speak doom and gloom... life sucks, I am such a failure, my life is RUINED! Etc... either way... we begin to build our future on those beliefs of resignation... we may dress that up and call it surrender, but it isnt... there is no empowerment there... no goal... no positive self belief... no letting go... in fact quite the opposite... There is a blatant determination to drag our past into the future every step of the way. Our ego is determined that our past is the best determinant to our future, and as we have been disappointed at least once... we should expect and be prepared for ENDLESS disappointment.

What if!? What if we worked from the premise that all things are working towards our blessing and favor. What if we believed that when things are falling apart they are actually creating a space for things to fall together... all we are being asked to do is let go of trying to exert our ideas of how things SHOULD be and embrace the opportunity for something BETTER to come along. The BEST is yet to come... just on the other side of our ideas...

Dont get me wrong, it is so important to hold goals, and take steps towards them, but when we are attached to exactly how each step should unfold and exactly what road we should take to get there and exactly how we should feel when we get there and an utter refusal to be happy until we are there.... we are cutting off our blessings before we even get started!

You see, in an active state of surrender, we allow. We take steps that we can take, when we can take them. We are not attached to each step as being the only step forwards towards our goals. We hold a space open for the unexpected and the miraculous... we let go of doing it OUR way, and allow the universe to move in its way through us...

Let me give an example... these last few weeks have been one moment after another of letting go and surrender. As we are house sitting now, we depend on our house sits to move us along from place to stay to place to stay. A few weeks ago, we were waiting for someone we will call Sally to get back in touch with us in regards to December. We really wanted to make sure we were taken care of for the month, and her sit looked perfect, but despite our numerous attempts to contact her, we heard nothing. Out of nowhere, a lady we will call Angel contacted us and asked if we would be interested in a long term sit. WOULD WE??? OF COURSE!!!! Except... we were waiting for Sally to contact us, AND the sit started when we were scheduled to be at another assignment for Jane. So I declined her generous offer and it left us still with nothing for December in hand. As we were out driving one day, suddenly I turned to Andrew and said, "What if we could split our sit between Jane and Angel, they are only an hour's drive a part and it would only be a few days. So we contacted her still having heard nothing from Sally. Angel was THRILLED with our idea and we arranged a call. Meanwhile, Sally contacted us saying she had decided to go with us.... DOH! Now we had to just step back and feel... what did the universe want us saying "yes" to. Sally would be a SURE thing for a month, but there was this opportunity with Angel that was more than we could have dreamed of even if it would be tricky at the start. SO I wrote a very difficult email to Sally declining and explaining our situation. Even though she was REALLY upset, I knew we had made the right decision for us. So ahead we forged... a few days before we were to begin our sit with Jane, she called with devastating news. Her husband had taken ill and their trip was off. We were staying at the flat in Scotland and my FIL was scheduled to be up on the following weekend. BUT... we were not being shown any next steps, we didnt feel to apply for another sit, nor did we feel to apply for a holiday let to see us through until our long term sit at Angel's started... we were completely surrendered to the situation. We had a knowing that things would work out... but couldnt begin to imagine how.

And as the universe would have it, a few days before my FIL was scheduled to come up... he text to say he wouldnt be coming after all and we were free to stay until our next sit began. HA! And so here we are... perfectly poised to move in whatever direction the universe asks of us at a moments notice... and in that lies peace...

Yes it is a peace that comes with a lot of uncertainty, but there is a recognition that ALL of life is uncertain. The only certainty in life is that there is no certainty. So why fight the flow with fear? It is kind of like trying to plug a hole in a dam with salt or sugar... pointless at best. All of our efforting in a direction that isnt intended to bless us only serves to exhaust us. Sometimes it is best to just surrender but in the sense of trusting all is well... and you know what... if all is well in this moment then all is really well. And so it goes...

No matter how challenging things have gotten, we are still here... and better than that... we are thriving. Life is taking us in a direction we never dreamed of... but it is so much bigger and bolder and brighter than we ever could have imagined...

Where will you allow the flow of love... the flow of life... to carry you? Do you dare pull your anchor up and see where the adventure leads you? How much better will you allow life to get?

NEXT!!!!

The time between finishing the writing of 'Fumbling Through the Light' and its release wasn't long, probably only about a couple of weeks, but even during that time, the movement to continue writing was strong. I think there had been a little part of me hoping that the writing was done and I could go back to music, Facebook and spiritual forums, but it wasn't to be, and trying to avoid more writing became uncomfortable. Fine. The only problem was what to write....I knew I was done with the autobiography style, so I began by just picking a subject. 'Love'....okay, yeah, I can write about that. 'Joy'....yup, I got something to say about that. 'Freedom'...yes indeed, I can find something to say. And that's how it went for a while, just picking topics that I thought I could say a few words on.

While all this was going on, we were busy moving from house to house looking after pets. The dogs and cats seem to make it so easy for me to write. I sit in a chair with a dog or cat next to me.....and I write. Something about their energy makes it possible. I also felt moved to invite Chris and Analis to write something, which Chris was all over, Analis somewhat less enthusiastic, but still wanting to join in with the writing party.

After a couple of weeks I began to see a book taking shape, and I was enjoying the writing. Totally different to 'Fumbling', I wanted to stretch myself in a different way. I like taking somewhat abstract ideas that relate to spirituality and translating them into concise terms that can be understood fairly easily, and I also wanted to lay out our dream, our vision and explain WHY it is possible. So what began as just talking about some stuff that I felt I could say something about began to take shape into 'A New Consciousness: A New World'.

As it turns out, I'm happy with the result. I covered all the ground I wanted to cover, I look at it and don't feel I could have done it better, or that I missed something out that I wanted to put in.....and that's good enough. I'm not going to say I'm 'ecstatic', but it's not my way to be ecstatic about something like this, but it feels right all the same. I look at Jenn's new book and Chris' new book and actually feel more excited about theirs than I do mine, not because I think mine is 'worse' necessarily, but because it's so good to see them shining their light through their books. It feels like a really cool door is opening for them both. And Analis too...she is doing good at 4000 words in...and she has a tough task....she has to talk about herself! I've got a feeling though that when it's done, it will be an amazing thing.

So, I wonder if I have anything more to say. At this point, I suspect that even if I don't, then something will be written anyway, because I sense the movement to express through the form of writing is still there. Plus it's looking strongly like our winter is going to spent with four gorgeous cats, and I don't think they are going to let me hide from it. These are exciting times for us as a family, it feels like something good is happening with all this, its not easy by any means, but there is a positivity there even amidst the stress of trying to work out how on earth to do margins, headers and page numbers. Roll on 2015.....

~ Andrew

Travelling Light

We have often been asked how did we manage with all of our luggage for 4 people travelling around the world... and the answer has often been met with a bit of a confused queried look in return. "We didn't."

You see, here is the thing we learned in our early days living in NC ~ when Andrew first arrived on our doorstep, blown in by the benevolent winds of change... Radical life shifts, demand radical shifts in our lives. One does not come without the other. When we commit to change, we have to change to fit our commitment.

I had committed to myself that I would do whatever it took to see my life unfold in an easier, more gentle, joyful, passionate manner... I wanted a life of freedom, abundance and simplicity. I was done with the drama, and the day to day grind of work, home, feed the kids, put them to bed, tv, bed... repeat. I didn't feel as if I was living. Rather it felt life was living me.

I have noticed that though it is a generalization, it is quite accurate, our external landscape mirrors our internal one. When we live or work in a cluttered physical space it is usually the case that our thoughts and spirit are quite cluttered or muddled as well. When our lives are busy and chaotic, our thoughts and spirit generally reflect that too.

I wanted to live a life of ease and lightness... my home and my head did not in any way shape or form mirror that goal. I had to make some radical shifts... which meant essentially shovelling through the shit I had collected over the years. Now at the time it wasn't shit to me. There were so many practical reasons I had saved hundreds of plastic cups from fast food drive-thrus. I needed every single cookbook I had. I had bought the kid clothes on sale to prepare for the coming YEARS not months... I needed all the pictures and photo albums to remind me of who I was. And the dvds and the cds and the books... good grief... the books... every single one was essential to my well-being... it didn't matter that I hadn't read it yet.. I might do. My stuff was important to me... it protected me from feeling like I was poor.

Poverty can take many different forms. We have obvious financial poverty, but there is intellectual (education), physical (health), emotional (depression), and spiritual poverty as well. We tend to attach to "things" that represent what we feel poorest in. Amazing how it is so clear when we step back... that we ARE what we seek... our path is internal... but sometimes we need a radical external shift to see the truth.

Initially, I tried to get rid of obvious things I would no longer need, baby clothes, Christmas decorations... I only had a 2 bedroom duplex apartment.. in theory it wasn't a whole lot to get rid of. But the emotional toll was very charged... when it was time to move out, I couldn't do it any more... I just could not physically take things to the charity shop. It felt like I was leaving ME behind. And that was the truth.

I left me... so much that had defined me... there in that duplex... I just walked away... I didn't know what else to do. There was so much shame and fear tied up in walking away... but the reality was, I could not bring who I had been with me any further. The drama had to be left there... all of it.

You see I lived my life moving from fear to fear... when I packed for vacation it was more about packing for eventualities. Well we rarely went on vacation before Andrew came along because it was too important to try and get by... surviving was more of a priority. But when we did go, I packed everything... just in case. I didn't have the concept that the universe would provide. I didn't trust life. Life was not trustable.


When we do not trust life, we feel we have no other option but to try and control it, by planning for and preparing for every eventuality and packing accordingly. We drag our past judgments into the present, that is to say... if we got hurt before, then we look for any inkling of a potential reoccurance so that we can avoid the possibility of pain and suffering. For example, something as innocuous as having lost a mitten in the snow when we were 5 may cause us in our adulthood to carry 3 pairs of extra gloves... just in case. We hold on to trinkets and heirlooms out of a feeling of honoring or obligation to a departed loved one... Here is a thought, if they dont need it where they are, do you really think you need it here? How is it honoring our beloved ancestor if we feel their knitted tea cozy from the 70's cant be parted with, even though we hate it and shove it in the back of the drawer? And the look our daughter gives us when we tell her "One day, this will be yours!" "Gee.... great..." We are conditioned from an era long gone that we should hold onto things "just in case" but those same things come eventually to tether us to not only the past but a present that may no longer serve us.

But what will people think if I don't hold on to this or that... honestly... well... they may throw a strop and complain, but the moment you offer it to them... do they jump at the opportunity to take it themselves? No. So, let it go. If it isn't inspiring you, encouraging you, if it isn't something that lifts you and makes you feel light it has no place in your life. We were meant to live and grow... not stagnate. Just because a ceramic poodle was precious to aunt Patty doesn't mean it needs to be be precious to us too. We can take a picture of it and still hold the memories in fondness without the object itself.

So, what did I do? I walked away from it all... I figured if I wanted a new, clean, simple life that reflected where I wanted to be internally... I had to literally walk my talk. For at least 3 years following Andrew coming into our lives all we owned fit into one suitcase and one carry on. Four people one suitcase.

When I speak of travelling light... it can be taken two ways... travelling through life without anything weighing us down.. moving with the freedom that comes from few possessions... and equally it can refer to travelling light... as in the light of love... where we are travelling in complete faith that all is provided, that our way is lit, that all is well, that all is perfect.

As much as we like to believe we can, it is impossible to prepare for all of life's eventualities. It is easy to see when we step back, that nothing that has ever come as a surprise to us or even "planned" was 100% able to have been prepared for completely. The car accident, the baby, the storm, the school exam, the marriage, the divorce. Even for those events that we saw coming a mile off... we could only be as prepared as we could be.

When we choose to release all the things that have held us back, weighed us down, defined us, blocked us... we feel the tethers and chains, the binds that were intricately woven around us to protect us begin to slip away. We have been conditioned to believe that our freedom is relative to what we have, I would argue the inverse is true. Our freedom comes from recognizing that who we are is not defined by what we have... what we have is defined by what we value. When we value life, and the living thereof through relationships we may feel little need to hold onto things... when we value things to make up for feeling like there is a lack of relationships we may look around and see our life is so crowded there is little room for those we love because the things we love dominate our space.

There is no judgment in any of it. Some people who feel so alone and afraid that their stuff gives them a false sense of safety, companionship and even love. Others are too afraid to be seen as the light they are so the fill their lives with things to distract them and those they love. But in the end it is like my Daddy always said... "You came into this life with nothing and you leave this life with nothing."

Though he isn't exactly correct... we come into this life with love pure and naked, we dont carry anything with us to push away others or protect us from them. We reach wanting for relationship and fall softly into waiting arms... I dare believe it is the same when we leave. So for me, for now, who I have around me is more than enough on my journey... and a change of clothes or two..

Seven Years ago Today...

My beloved held me in his arms for the first time...

Introduction

Andrew:

In October 2007, I was sat on an airplane travelling from Britain to America to meet a woman that I had never met in the flesh before, and yet knew with every fibre of my being that not only was this the start of something intensely exciting and frightening, but also that we would be married and fulfill our dreams together.

Jenn:

I stood waiting in the baggage claim area, nervous, excited, to the point of trembling. My brand new three inch heels were wobbling so much, I had to lean on a post to keep me upright. I reflected on the unreal and poetic nature of that moment… standing there… claiming my future, “Yes, this is it. Nope, never met him before, but everything is going to be ok.” How is it possible that one moment can lead to a life that unfolds so unexpectedly and yet fulfills and exceeds your dreams? I was about to find out.

And every day since, has been a blessed one.


There are moments that steal our breath away... and then there are moments that fill our souls in one breath with all the love of the universe... where God and matter meet on the lips of two strangers. ~ Jenn

It was Already Written in the Stars

One of my favorite quotes from the preface is,

There is a popular cliche that states, “Where one journey ends, another one begins”. But where, when and how do endings and beginnings define themselves? What determines the direction our lives take? What aspects of our character define who we are and where we are going, or where we have come from even? What events shape us, what sets us out on a journey to begin with? Are we ever not on a journey? Some people have an awakening moment. Others read a book and say “This is it!”. Still others may experience a tragedy or miracle that changes the way they see life. Our paths are sometimes defined by major life altering events, but more often than not they are really defined by the constant string of messy moments that make the unfolding of life a very beautiful thing.

For us, this book was always going to be written. As with all things in life from a higher perspective it is all unfolding perfectly. However, we never imagined the how or when or in what context. And so it was... over a tea my beloved asked me... "What could I do right now?" The context of the question was understandable. We had started housesitting and our little charge required minimal caring for and there is only so much time you can spend on facebook and other website. He needed something to sink his teeth into. The book actually spilled out onto the computer screen as if having been waiting for years to be given a place to be. The words of our hearts were seeking wings... and a space to fly. It so happened that we were house sitting in an author's home and feel this may have contributed to the supportive energy we felt. With our little charge, "Yin", serving as a mascot the pages filled quickly 60,000 words in less than 6 days. One of the most interesting things about the process of writing it all out was that everything became so much clearer. We had talked about our journey at least a million times with each other and in different conversations with friends... but it was like watching a jigsaw puzzle assemble itself. It seemed as though our perspective of our journey was being healed and re-written as the words settled onto the pages, much like falling into your favorite chair at the end of a long hard day. Rest... peace... the words exhaled... sighing... it is done. We saw every event from different vantage points as we knew from the beginning that this would never be a book about blaming or shaming, but claiming and owning who we had always been and who we were becoming. You see... everyone has a story to tell... and every story can be told in a million different ways. But what is more reflective of who we are... the story itself or how it is told? If everything that happens in our lives is leading us to something bigger, something greater, something that reflects our highest joy, maybe it isnt the WHAT that matters, but the way...

Let the Journey begin

We are so pleased to announce that our long anticipated book is released and now available for purchase. This blog has been created to chronicle the stories behind the story. To quote from the book...

This is a dance in the shadows, sometimes moments of laughable epic fails, with scatterings of brilliance along the way.

You can find it for purchase as either an ebook or paperback.. HERE