Travelling Light

We have often been asked how did we manage with all of our luggage for 4 people travelling around the world... and the answer has often been met with a bit of a confused queried look in return. "We didn't."

You see, here is the thing we learned in our early days living in NC ~ when Andrew first arrived on our doorstep, blown in by the benevolent winds of change... Radical life shifts, demand radical shifts in our lives. One does not come without the other. When we commit to change, we have to change to fit our commitment.

I had committed to myself that I would do whatever it took to see my life unfold in an easier, more gentle, joyful, passionate manner... I wanted a life of freedom, abundance and simplicity. I was done with the drama, and the day to day grind of work, home, feed the kids, put them to bed, tv, bed... repeat. I didn't feel as if I was living. Rather it felt life was living me.

I have noticed that though it is a generalization, it is quite accurate, our external landscape mirrors our internal one. When we live or work in a cluttered physical space it is usually the case that our thoughts and spirit are quite cluttered or muddled as well. When our lives are busy and chaotic, our thoughts and spirit generally reflect that too.

I wanted to live a life of ease and lightness... my home and my head did not in any way shape or form mirror that goal. I had to make some radical shifts... which meant essentially shovelling through the shit I had collected over the years. Now at the time it wasn't shit to me. There were so many practical reasons I had saved hundreds of plastic cups from fast food drive-thrus. I needed every single cookbook I had. I had bought the kid clothes on sale to prepare for the coming YEARS not months... I needed all the pictures and photo albums to remind me of who I was. And the dvds and the cds and the books... good grief... the books... every single one was essential to my well-being... it didn't matter that I hadn't read it yet.. I might do. My stuff was important to me... it protected me from feeling like I was poor.

Poverty can take many different forms. We have obvious financial poverty, but there is intellectual (education), physical (health), emotional (depression), and spiritual poverty as well. We tend to attach to "things" that represent what we feel poorest in. Amazing how it is so clear when we step back... that we ARE what we seek... our path is internal... but sometimes we need a radical external shift to see the truth.

Initially, I tried to get rid of obvious things I would no longer need, baby clothes, Christmas decorations... I only had a 2 bedroom duplex apartment.. in theory it wasn't a whole lot to get rid of. But the emotional toll was very charged... when it was time to move out, I couldn't do it any more... I just could not physically take things to the charity shop. It felt like I was leaving ME behind. And that was the truth.

I left me... so much that had defined me... there in that duplex... I just walked away... I didn't know what else to do. There was so much shame and fear tied up in walking away... but the reality was, I could not bring who I had been with me any further. The drama had to be left there... all of it.

You see I lived my life moving from fear to fear... when I packed for vacation it was more about packing for eventualities. Well we rarely went on vacation before Andrew came along because it was too important to try and get by... surviving was more of a priority. But when we did go, I packed everything... just in case. I didn't have the concept that the universe would provide. I didn't trust life. Life was not trustable.


When we do not trust life, we feel we have no other option but to try and control it, by planning for and preparing for every eventuality and packing accordingly. We drag our past judgments into the present, that is to say... if we got hurt before, then we look for any inkling of a potential reoccurance so that we can avoid the possibility of pain and suffering. For example, something as innocuous as having lost a mitten in the snow when we were 5 may cause us in our adulthood to carry 3 pairs of extra gloves... just in case. We hold on to trinkets and heirlooms out of a feeling of honoring or obligation to a departed loved one... Here is a thought, if they dont need it where they are, do you really think you need it here? How is it honoring our beloved ancestor if we feel their knitted tea cozy from the 70's cant be parted with, even though we hate it and shove it in the back of the drawer? And the look our daughter gives us when we tell her "One day, this will be yours!" "Gee.... great..." We are conditioned from an era long gone that we should hold onto things "just in case" but those same things come eventually to tether us to not only the past but a present that may no longer serve us.

But what will people think if I don't hold on to this or that... honestly... well... they may throw a strop and complain, but the moment you offer it to them... do they jump at the opportunity to take it themselves? No. So, let it go. If it isn't inspiring you, encouraging you, if it isn't something that lifts you and makes you feel light it has no place in your life. We were meant to live and grow... not stagnate. Just because a ceramic poodle was precious to aunt Patty doesn't mean it needs to be be precious to us too. We can take a picture of it and still hold the memories in fondness without the object itself.

So, what did I do? I walked away from it all... I figured if I wanted a new, clean, simple life that reflected where I wanted to be internally... I had to literally walk my talk. For at least 3 years following Andrew coming into our lives all we owned fit into one suitcase and one carry on. Four people one suitcase.

When I speak of travelling light... it can be taken two ways... travelling through life without anything weighing us down.. moving with the freedom that comes from few possessions... and equally it can refer to travelling light... as in the light of love... where we are travelling in complete faith that all is provided, that our way is lit, that all is well, that all is perfect.

As much as we like to believe we can, it is impossible to prepare for all of life's eventualities. It is easy to see when we step back, that nothing that has ever come as a surprise to us or even "planned" was 100% able to have been prepared for completely. The car accident, the baby, the storm, the school exam, the marriage, the divorce. Even for those events that we saw coming a mile off... we could only be as prepared as we could be.

When we choose to release all the things that have held us back, weighed us down, defined us, blocked us... we feel the tethers and chains, the binds that were intricately woven around us to protect us begin to slip away. We have been conditioned to believe that our freedom is relative to what we have, I would argue the inverse is true. Our freedom comes from recognizing that who we are is not defined by what we have... what we have is defined by what we value. When we value life, and the living thereof through relationships we may feel little need to hold onto things... when we value things to make up for feeling like there is a lack of relationships we may look around and see our life is so crowded there is little room for those we love because the things we love dominate our space.

There is no judgment in any of it. Some people who feel so alone and afraid that their stuff gives them a false sense of safety, companionship and even love. Others are too afraid to be seen as the light they are so the fill their lives with things to distract them and those they love. But in the end it is like my Daddy always said... "You came into this life with nothing and you leave this life with nothing."

Though he isn't exactly correct... we come into this life with love pure and naked, we dont carry anything with us to push away others or protect us from them. We reach wanting for relationship and fall softly into waiting arms... I dare believe it is the same when we leave. So for me, for now, who I have around me is more than enough on my journey... and a change of clothes or two..

We are what we do...

As our journey has wound hither and thither, one thing that always stood out to us is how no one (including ourselves) is separate from what we do. So often we have heard people say, or have said it ourselves in the early days... "It's just a job." Or, "It pays the bills." But what we do leaves an imprint on the world. Everyone that comes in contact with us throughout our day is changed and transformed, even if on a subtle, unconscious level.

How often have you witnessed another person respond to your smile in like? Or gotten off the phone with customer service and wanted to just cry for the hours lost with no resolution to your issue in sight? The grocery check out or the bank teller, the parking attendant, the janitor, the teacher, the police officer, the nurse the doctor... every single person can affect your mood, and sometimes your life.

Most of us have THAT teacher, that we remember as an inspiration ~ who told us that we could, when we didn't believe it was possible. Or a doctor that may have given us news, either positive or negative that completely changed the way we saw our life unfolding.

And yet that teacher, doctor, bank teller, grocery clerk, police officer... in his or her mind was just "doing their job".

There are no meaningless moments in our lives. Every moment is a creative space. We can create heaven for someone or hell. We can create harmony or chaos. And that which we are choosing to create is reflective of who we are even if it is just in that moment. But we can not separate what we do from who we are.

I remember for instance when after graduation from university, I wanted to teach. I wanted to make a difference. I remembered the troubled kids I had been a counsellor for youth that had been through the courts for various reasons. I wanted to be someone that could make a difference before it went that far. I thought quite a bit about myself. hehe But I got stuck in as they say here in the UK, I really loved the kids, can't say that about the paperwork and administrative issues of education. I really really tried to show the students that it didn't matter that they came from impoverished or challenging circumstances, if they really applied themselves, they could do anything they wanted to, because that is what I had been taught. To me that was a universal law. The principal of the school thought otherwise. He "invited" me to his office one day and informed me that he had caught wind of my motivational talks and said they were to stop immediately. It was my sole purpose to teach to the tests. He said that since I wasn't raised in the projects, I didn't understand that you don't leave the projects so I was just selling these kids lies. I tried to stay after this conversation, but I couldn't live a lie myself. So I left.

Several years later, I was working in customer service. It paid well, but I hated it. I hated who I was at work I was grouchy and petty. I hated that I worked for a major power company that had no soul. I hated telling people at Christmas that there was nothing I could do to get their power back on for their young child because of a storm. I also hated telling people, I could not get their power back on for lack of payment (that was less true... I could do, but then I would get fired). Morality seemed blurred sometimes, and I never felt very good about myself when I went home at night. But then I had to honestly look at what I was going home to. My "marriage" was seemingly non-existent, the house was chaotic, cluttered and messy, the kids were clingy and needy and I was just emotionally bankrupt. I struggled financially, and I understood what the people I talked to everyday were going through in the threat of having their power turned off, because I too had been there. But had I really left "there"? Emotionally, I could only see what I didn't have, professionally, I could only do what I was told.. and that was only a half attempt just to stay employed. The company had been really patient, kind and understanding throughout my 3 years there. They allowed me to take a 6 month unpaid leave when Analis was born early and then again a large unpaid leave when she became severely ill at 9 months. I owed them my loyalty after all right? But it meant selling my light, love and leaning towards goodness... what we do is a reflection of who we are in that moment... and so it was.

And so it is easy to understand how it took no coercion on Andrew's part when he asked me to leave my job. Logic would scream "That is so irresponsible!", what if... but my soul was tired of living and working a lie that insulted the very core of who I am.

Some people are able to turn down the volume of their truths, stuffing them down with food, alcohol, sex, telling themselves over and over they are happy in hopes that eventually they will believe it. They say "it is just a job," but where does the "job" end and life begin? How many hours do we give away to our places of work? How can it be separate when it takes up so much of our lives? And if we are numbing ourselves to deal with the stresses of it? Does it make any sense? We are giving meaning to our lives by what we choose to spend every moment of it doing.

The immigration officer in Canada was "just doing his job", but I am not so sure he went home feeling good about his choices that evening. How could he have looked his partner (if he had one) or his child (if there was one) and not be reminded of the choices he made that day. YES! He was following orders, and guidelines, and everything in the book... but did it make him feel good about who he is? He may get awarded "Officer of the Month", but I am not sure he will ever be able to erase the panicked tears and the desperate hugs he witnessed that day between a little girl and the only daddy she had ever known. He did his best that day, but his best was a reflection of rules and regulations, fear and suspicious beliefs. That day, the truth we told was not believed, and fear won the day.

If we didn't live in fear, what would our lives look like? Who would we be? What would drive us? What changes would we make in our daily lives that resembled our joy as opposed to our fear? What would we do?

Every moment is precious, for some it may be their only moment in our presence, for others their last... but all moments count. Every encounter changes all those in it... who are we in this moment now?

Let the Journey begin

We are so pleased to announce that our long anticipated book is released and now available for purchase. This blog has been created to chronicle the stories behind the story. To quote from the book...

This is a dance in the shadows, sometimes moments of laughable epic fails, with scatterings of brilliance along the way.

You can find it for purchase as either an ebook or paperback.. HERE